A poem written about the pain of the lover who was abandoned by his lover and what he prayed as a blessing now hurts him as a never-ending curse. His art, his happiness, his anger, his sadness all filled with that curse or to say, the memory of her. However, when beauty of everything is lost in that curse, life finds a way to give a rhythm for a new lullaby.
On Another Note: I’ve heard a long time back that when one door closes at least another will open. From the way things are going I know, there is a door that opened but I have no idea where that door is. So there is a possibility everything I can knock on can be a door. When in past I encountered such situations what I did was make necessary adjuments or even make dramatic changes like moving from one country to another. Every time I did that I always left everything I had behind and kept only connections strong enough to withstand the test of my fate in the was expanding time. I have always forgiven, forgotten but this time. Nope.
I met a very young girl online. She told me to write a poem about my impression of her. That’s where this started. However, I went in an entirely different direction after she told me about a real-life event of her which is in the poem. So read it well and enjoy.
On Another Note: Making changes is easy when you are single. So I am still enjoying the single life. I am not going to talk more about the changes. You will see. Little Boss, I am not a cursing man anymore or my curses would have burnt you to ashes. I will never bless you, I will never forgive you. I will never forget you.
The first installment of the poem Mahidevran – Legend Of A Beauty. I only touched water here with this one. But this will tell you what is to come. I am going to go far and wide in every possible way to bring this person who lived nearly 500 years ago.
This Poem And The Poems To Come Are All Dedicated To Mahidevran Hatun. The Mother of Shehzade Mustafa.
On Another Note: Whew.. what a life? My life is an amazing piece of information I myself love to speak about. You have no idea what I have gone through. Disgraced, imprisoned, belittled, sidelined, abandoned, betrayed, aaaah, fate tried all up his sleeves to break me. My faith in Allah protects me and I will not wither my faith so nothing can break me. Little Boss, don’t step outside of the realm of my forgiveness.
This poem basically is about the inability of a lover who lost his lover to get rid of all the dreams during the time of love. I gave the reality of the situation in the poem itself as it is not a very long poem one should get it or try to read it out loud and see if one can understand this better.
On Another Note: Crazy times bring insanity… but I am totally sane. After more than half a year of delays when I was about to start my store, my right-hand man fell badly ill. He is okay but still can’t do much work. So every setup to get the store started was done by my own hand. I started it. I am going to hold on to the comments there. So now you know the reason why poetry went into the back burner. A burner that always burns. Little Boss… Oh boy, I should not be asking you this question again and again. What is it you want to know from my posts and poems? I know you come to my site. The frequency increased a bit after you got engaged. I think a long time back I said it doesn’t serve anyone any purpose if you remain mute. But I won’t say no don’t come to my site. You are always free to visit my site. If you want to really talk to me before you get married. Find this in the intersection of Capitol and Appleton. I will be there to answer.
If I am going to explain this poem it will take a couple of years of speaking. I went into a relationship mode for more than 3 and a half years. Then I went silent as the reality looks like a very bad dream. The poem mentions that very clearly. This is the situation when I took my phone and typed in a couple of sentences into my phone. This was worked on while on a break from the hectic life unfolding in front of me. Enjoy.
On Another Note: WOW, wee Wow… Summer is really interesting… First of all, it is horribly hot. I hate hot weather, One of the reasons why I left India was that. Second, Nothing much changed in the last 8 or 9 months. I looked up and said.. people make babies in this time… this is the kinda time when astrologers in South India say “Dasa Sandhi” means a period of deadlock between two dasas… actually astrologically it is that kinda period for me. The Period or Dasa of Jupiter for me is ending and the next on the period or Dasa of Saturn is going to start in less than a year. So everything is going on a pace no one really knows… I said, “If life were supposed to be delivered on a platter to me.. that platter is made with thin air”. I cannot be wrong…. I learned it but I am not a snatcher of other’s happiness or life. I am a Sufi, I only take what I need. When something I need is not available, no matter how much pain it feels, I learned to erase that pain with smiles on my face. I think I just said how my attempt to earn the love of someone I love went. Little Boss, Read the Notes above.
How does one feel when all life is spent on one thought, and seen only one face in everything wonderful and heard only what needs to be heard and all united stands and kaboom all gone when love no longer is yours? Yup, that’s the thought that triggered this poem. The very last line was taken from one of my older poems called “Reading Poems” as is. Enjoy.
On Another Note: The greatest achievement of life is when one attains a level of freedom from everything and then yearns to bind it all together with love, for love, and by love. It is not easy, but it will happen once in a lifetime and one better be ready at ease to deal with it. Every human has the right to dream and work to fulfill those dreams that’s the fundamental freedom. It is a lifelong event and I am at the beginning of it.
Little Boss, I recently watched the episodes of T.V series in Turkish called Çalıkuşu (means Lovebird spoken as Jalikusu) it is a romantic show about an orphan girl. I have seen the actor who acted in it from another show and this show has better subtitles. In a nutshell, Lovebird and her cousin (Muslims are allowed to marry cousins) are in love from a very younger age they go through many hardships to keep loving and get married. There is a point at which Lovebird declines to say yes to the proposal due to some serious family politics. Right after that the guy, a doctor goes through a spiral of weird acts, He goes and waits near her school dorm, goes and beats up a man who employes her as a private tutor for his daughter, slashes the tires of her bike, etc. Seeing all these I said.. “daang I am a very decent man, I never even went to any of the chain stores my Little Boss worked for months until I was very sure in which store she works, to avoid any confrontation that will make her feel uneasy. I never even mentioned her name in my writings. I was still called a stalker (LMAO)”… in the show, Lovebird still agrees to marry him. Maybe the doctor got six pack abs and value in the society. hehehe, I laid back and sat and said again, “I will never bother her with my love as the flames of my love I will pray to keep eternally.” I took a sigh and continued… “Little Boss is not Lovebird she is my Lady Mac” I laughed and said again “Lady Mac sounds better than Little Boss”.
The Defeated Lover… the name was taken from a real life situation. There is a long long story behind it. I don’t have to repeat what is said again and again. But these days, I have learned to be a better man than the cursing, revenging moron I used to be. The best part was I have forgiven myself. Then I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. Read the poem you will learn more.
On Another Note: The vagueness of life exists in every aspect of living. There are times when unreal gives me more comfort than anything real. Thoughts, ideas, dreams, and many times actions based on all those become the result of an unreal catastrophe. In the middle, I stand and dismiss one by one all those unreal, and then I became an empty canoe in a stormy ocean of love.
Little Boss, read this poem, you are the only one who can understand this poem completely. Now let me tell you something. In the show Magnificent Century, there is a tough situation when the Ottoman Sultan Suleiman orders the execution of his friend from childhood days, prime minister, and commander of his armies Pargali Ibrahim. Suleiman’s son Mustafa grew up in the hands of Ibrahim, Mustafa a fully grown-up man comes to the Sultan and politely asks his father why would he order the execution of Ibrahim. Sultan Suleiman whom I don’t consider a magnificent Sultan says something very wise… hmmm at least the writers of the show wrote these wise words.. he says “Mustafa, my lion son, Power is a shirt made with fire, if you can wear it with loyalty, it will protect you and destroy your enemies. However, if you get carried away with pride… and lose yourself in desire, then that shirt will burn you to ashes.”. When I heard that, I smiled and the image that came to my mind was you standing in front of me in anger in that mall. I said, “It is love” yes, it is love Little Boss… I modified it appropriately “My darling Little Boss, Love is a cloak made with fire, if you wear it with loyalty, sincerity, and honesty, it will protect you, your heart, and brings happiness that will last many lifetimes here on Earth and hereafter. However, if you get carried away in the pride of youth, age, looks, and desires… you will lose not just yourself, you will lose the world and everything beyond and then that cloak becomes a burning coffin that will burn you alive, again and again… a neverending nightmare.”. I am not saying Love is a nightmare or will become a nightmare, I am saying it is not as easy as you may think. You know what you felt every time you visited my sites for years. I apologize if even with what I just wrote I offended any feelings of yours, that is not my intention but I still may have to say it. I only have prayers for you to be blessed.
A horrible heatwave is going on around. I went to see a baseball game earlier today. The Brewers won but the heat really got on to me. I felt like I was in Kerala. Speaking of which, daang the whole state of Kerala is in a lockdown situation because of covid. Praying for all the suffering to end as soon a possible.
Little Boss, here is the story of Madhubala. Here life history can be found in this Link. But her connection to fellow actor Dilip Kumar was spoken about with many gossips and rumors. Yes, there were serious issues with her temper but that was not the issue in actor Dilip Kumar leaving her and not marrying her. She couldn’t have any children as she suffered from ventricular septal defect (a hole in her heart). Dilip Kumar later went on to marry Zaira Banu and they never had any children at all. As for Madhubala, when she was bedridden her hope was Dilip Kumar will visit her. Unfortunately, he never visited her and she passed away at the age of 36. It was a tragic life from top to bottom. One of the prettiest ladies ever lived died alone broken-hearted, just because of the choices of other people. Life is not an easy boat to use to cross the time that was given to us. Sometimes what seems unpleasant may be the best of the best in the overall sea of time. I am not a good advocate for my own love. But I live with that reality of my love for you. Think again, as the only person through which the said words can be taken back is me. I will wait with hopes.
On Another Note: I fasted for a month during Ramadan.. I added 4.5lbs. Then after than in 3 weeks, I lost 16lbs. Very laughable isn’t it? Well, that’s how the whole life is going on. Figure out the rest.
Little Boss, a long time back a Sufi Dervish (Sufism is a mystic form of Islam, and people who follow Sufism are called Dervish) he was going on a journey pretty much in the cause of God. Unfortunately, this Dervish fell in a big well and it will be a big struggle to get out of there. The Dervish said, “Oh, God, I took this journey in your cause and I fell, now you take me out of here as I am not going to try to get out of here at all”. He sat in the dry well and days passed, then it became weeks. After more than forty days, a creature the Dervish have never seen or heard about came around the well and lifted him out, he thought, “Oh, this is probably my end” to his surprise, the creature didn’t hurt him, it left him beside the well and ran away. I think you got my point.
When all one gets is an empty nest one will search for meanings in meaningless places. Well, that’s where the thoughts about this poem started. Months and months of waiting and any action that is possible can only happen based on another person’s actions… and nothing happens. I guess you understand the situation. Now read the poem.
What can I say, I have gone through worse in life? Nope, this is it. There is always a learning curve and these lessons are brutal. Let tomorrow decide what is in store. I am not good at predicting and I am not good at listening to voices I can never hear. All I got good at is listening to the silence and walking through dark alley roads. It is not very pleasant but the choices in front of me are not made by me.
Little Boss, my Mahidevran (The name means one who is always beautiful)…I love you.
